Opening the Channel
In 2009, I was on a solo pilgrimage across Southeast Asia and India. I spent a year abroad, writing, practicing yoga, and diving deep into vipassana meditation retreats. It was a very meaningful year for me, and the work I did then laid the foundations for the life I have now.
When I first arrived overseas, I was a confused young woman. I was in love with two men, and I knew that the choice I would eventually make would be deeply consequential in my life. I was torn, pulled in opposite directions.
After landing in Bangkok, I took an overnight train to Chiang Mai, listening to Tribe Called Quest on my headphones as the train raced north and the subtropical landscape grew hazy and muted.
Once I arrived in the ancient city of Chiang Mai, I spent several days sipping iced coffee in teak salas under shady jungle canopies, and enjoying five dollar massages at the various massage houses up and down the canal. I smoked joints in guesthouse courtyards, and savored Mango and Sticky Rice between meals.
After several days, it was time to check into the monastery, my entire reason for journeying up north. I had been to the temple many times, and every time, it changed my life.
Wat Ram Poeng is almost as old as Chiang Mai itself. According to historical stone inscriptions found at the site, the temple was established in 1492 by King Yot Chiang Rai. The ancient energy of the monastery is palpable in the soft-edged bricks of the courtyard, the mystical paintings on the temple walls, and the high-ceilinged, marble-floored library which contains books written in Pali, the dead language of Buddhism.
When I checked in, I went through the familiar process of relinquishing my devices, stepping into my new, bare bedroom, and swapping out my colorful traveler’s clothes for the simple white garments of a pilgrim.
From that point on, I didn’t speak for a month. Vipassana practice unfolds in an atmosphere of silence, allowing the practitioner to go deeply into herself. We ate two meals a day, at 6:00 and 10:30 am. We woke at 4 am, and turned our lights off by 10 pm. We meditated ten to twelve hours a day.
In this atmosphere of strict practice, miracles happen. An entire rearranging of one’s inner world begins to commence. Doors open that you didn’t know existed.
One evening as twilight fell, I practiced sitting meditation on the balcony of the library. Birds chirped in the trees, and there was a lush quality to the late monsoon air. Wild cats and dogs trotted by, and other meditators, dressed in white, walked quietly among the temples and courtyards.
It was a peaceful evening among the hills of Chiang Mai, but internally, I was conflicted. My throat ached with unshed tears. My mind raced between the two men I loved, trying to discern which path to take. I was torn and uncomfortable.
After some time, my mind began to settle. I felt the warmth of the humid air on my skin. My attention drifted to the sound of cicadas in the palm trees. I felt the latent heat of the day stored in the bricks of the wall at my back.
In time, something shifted. As I sat, following my inhale and exhale, I became aware of another presence. This being was several feet away from me, also sitting against the wall. She had arrived silently, and I sensed her presence as a subtle shift in the atmosphere.
This was not the first time a spiritual being had visited me in meditation. I was familiar with the process of receiving this type of non-physical energy. Sometimes I chose to commune with these beings, and others times I chose not to. But the energy of this being was peaceful, grounded, and familiar.
And suddenly I realized- she was me.
I couldn’t see her (my eyes were closed), but I knew. That’s the only way to explain it. I knew with every fiber of my being that the presence beside me was my Higher Self. She had come to me in my hour of need to make herself available should I choose to commune with her. I did.
Without words, we began to communicate about the struggle I was experiencing. In her wisdom, she showed me the two different paths that would likely unfold depending on the man I chose. One path was shadowy, cold, and full of violent outbursts. The other was warm, colorful, and full of family.
My Higher Self never told me what to do. She just offered a simple, energetic transmission. In our communion, I saw that destiny is simply a series of choices. My free will would allow me to make any decision I chose, and my choices would create my destiny.
I ultimately chose the right man. We have created a beautiful family. All of the color, light and love I saw in that vision have come to be, and I am eternally grateful to the wisdom of my Higher Self for guiding me to this life.
In the years since then, I have developed an intimate relationship with this part of myself. I channel her often. She is always there for me, as close as the page, or my meditation seat. I simply need to open the channel, and she is there.
Over time, I have refined my translation of her energy. Initially, when I sat down at the page to channel her messages, my mind got in the way. It wanted to know how we were having a conversation with an invisible entity. It wondered if this was really happening, or some part of me was making it up.
But the longer I have channeled her, the more I know her to be true. Just because we cannot see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. It simply means that our five senses are not equipped to perceive it. But receiving your Higher Self does not require your five senses. It simply requires a willingness to open to the Mystery.
I commune with her all the time. She is a guide, a frequency, and a friend. She is me, but wiser and vaster. She has greater sight. If I am the human on the ragged edge of physical life, she is the channel that connects me to God. I would never want to create without her. I would never want to move through life without the anchor of her wisdom and energy.
I believe that we all have a Higher Self. I don’t know how we couldn’t. We come from non-physical energy into these human bodies, but the majority of our being remains focused in the non-physical. Call this Source, call this God, call this whatever you want. My experience has consistently shown me that this energy field is available at all times. You just need the tools to remember and connect.
This is what I teach every week in the Golden Pen- how to connect to the larger part of you. How to open the channel to allow more wisdom, grace, and love to move through your life. It is as simple as picking up the pen.
Join us?
Comment ‘Golden Pen’ for a free pass to an upcoming class.
Love you,
Sarah
More from The Whole Woman~
The Power of Appreciation~ A Writing Workshop
Appreciation is the Master Key to life. In this workshop, you will learn simple written practices to tune you into the frequency of Appreciation. Leave feeling more grounded, tapped in, and empowered ✍️✨
Friday, May 29th, 10 am PST
Register here.
I love this...in a book I'm reading on alchemy they talk about doing this through active imagination, but they refer to the figure as an image or archetype. I like thinking of it as my higher self too! I can relate also to seeing 2 possibile paths and choosing the happier one :) Glad we chose wisely!
Thank you for sharing these evocative experiences.