The Untouchable Woman
Welcome to Throwback Thursday! This new column features a weekly piece of writing from my past. Every Thursday, you will find an old favorite, from travel writing, to poetry, to essays and more.
Today’s piece comes from 2023, and has never been published on Substack before.
Enjoy!
The Untouchable Woman~
There’s a certain type of woman I see in the world. She takes many forms, but her core characteristic is:
SHE IS DIVORCED FROM HER SEXUALITY.
This woman comes in all ages and shapes. Sometimes she is partnered, sometimes single. Sometimes she is a professional, sometimes a housewife.
Her external form varies, but what is recognizable in all cases is a certain lack of vitality. A hesitation. A veneer of pretense.
This woman is only available on the surface. She is not deeply rooted in her body.
With her, the deeper thing feels impenetrable.
What is the deeper thing?
Her tenderness.
Her truth.
Her radiance.
Her desire.
None of those qualities feel accessible in a woman who is hiding. Those qualities live in our depths, not at the surface. Ego lives at the surface.
In the years-long process of wrapping energetic gauze around her heart and body, this woman has lost touch with her essence. She is an island, untouchable and unfelt.
This woman fascinates me.
She is the one who wants the successful business but is afraid to touch her pussy.
The one who overfunctions at home, then emasculates her husband in resentment and exhaustion.
The one with unhealed sexual trauma, who would rather turn off her body than feel the pain of thawing that is required to heal.
The one with an abundance of sexual energy who has repressed it due to religious or social conditioning.
The one with body image issues who doesn’t feel attractive or worthy of erotic communion.
This woman thinks she can deny the most vital part of herself. That she can ignore it away. That somehow she can step into her vitality without honoring the root from which it all grows.
I don’t judge this woman. I’ve played all of these roles myself. That’s why I recognize her. And that’s why I want her liberation.
To this woman, I say~
Your sexual nature is powerful. It belongs to YOU. It is sacred. Do not avoid this part of yourself. You are cutting yourself off from your root when you do.
Water Her. Touch Her. Invite Her to blossom.
When you serve Her, She serves you.
Until we serve Her, we are serving something else. Usually ego. This is where women get trapped: in the tightly-wound stories about who they believe they are, and what they believe is appropriate. They have compartmentalized themselves and only reveal the ‘good girl.’ Which isn’t a revelation at all. It’s a facade.
The bitch, the hoe, and all the inner children still exist inside of her. But they are generally repressed, so they come out sideways:
The passive-aggressive swipe at her husband.
The fantasies that loop in her mind.
The gripping, grasping, controlling behaviors she’s adapted to feel safe.
In her front-facing form, this woman is ‘nice’. She falls within the parameters of social acceptability. Not too wild, not too expressed. She agrees to the rules of the game (which were written by those who wanted to control the Feminine), so she walks right into her own trap.
But she might have a nice wedding ring! And a baby in the baby carriage!
Inside, though? Is she really happy?
Women have been taught compliance. In compliance, we shrink.
This woman is snipped like a bonsai. Smaller than her true nature, which is cosmic and vast. In truth, she is the Tree of Life.
This is what patriarchy does to women. But more importantly, this is what women do to themselves.
Snip, snip, snip. Step into the box and pull the lid down. Sit quietly.
Such a good girl.
Such a gooood actress.
Let’s pause here for a deep breath. Get in your body.
Now.
Rewilding is possible. Remembrance exists. You can always turn toward the call of your true nature again.
Unwinding the bonds that keep you stuck requires time and devotion. A willingness to touch your body with reverence and curiosity. A willingness to go slow in all areas of your life. A willingness to LISTEN to the whispers, nudges, and soft internal guidance.
Not the voice of your mind.
The knowing of your body. The feeling in your gut. Your feminine instinct.
Listen.
She is waiting for you. And you are waiting for Her.
I really like your work but caution against the recent post taking about “a certain kind of woman.” You say you don’t judge her but you went on to do it in your post. It’s the shadow of Nicole and the OT work. We don’t need to put guarded women down, they have a reason for being guarded, they don’t need any more shade.
We also don’t need false binary’s of turned on versus divorced woman. I have seen plenty of supposed turned on women completely disconnected from themselves and women who were not regularly communing with their pussies full of radiance.